That immense distance, in
the faintness of which his recollection is so completely lost as to set
him guessing at his motives for his own conduct, was from the 15th of
January, 1781, when the bonds at his own request were given, to the date
of this letter, which is the 22d of May, 1782,--that is to say, about
one year and four months.
As to the other sums, for which no bond was taken, the ground for the
difference in his explanation is still more extraordinary: he says, "I
did not think it worth my care to observe the same means with _the
rest_."[52] The rest of these sums, which were not worth his care, are
stated in his account to be greater than those he was so solicitous (for
some reason which he cannot guess) to cover under bonds: these sums
amount to near 53,000_l._; whereas the others did not much exceed
40,000_l._ For these actions, attended with these explanations, he
ventures to appeal to their (the Directors') breasts for a candid
interpretation, and "he assumes the freedom to add, that he thinks
himself, on _such_ a subject, and on _such_ an occasion, entitled to
it";[53] and then, as if he had performed some laudable exploit, in the
accompanying letter he glories in the integrity of his conduct; and
anticipating his triumph over injustice, and the applauses which at a
future time he seems confident he shall receive, says he, "The applause
of my own breast is my surest reward: your applause and that of my
country is my next wish in life.
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