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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"

An' now, ye
mis'rable, childish-minded apes, we propose f'r to larn ye th' uses iv
liberty. In ivry city in this unfair land we will erect school-houses
an' packin' houses an' houses iv correction; an' we'll larn ye our
language, because 'tis aisier to larn ye ours than to larn oursilves
yours. An' we'll give ye clothes, if ye pay f'r thim; an', if ye
don't, ye can go without. An', whin ye're hungry, ye can go to th'
morgue--we mane th' resth'rant--an' ate a good square meal iv ar-rmy
beef. An' we'll sind th' gr-reat Gin'ral Eagan over f'r to larn ye
etiquette, an' Andhrew Carnegie to larn ye pathriteism with blow-holes
into it, an' Gin'ral Alger to larn ye to hould onto a job; an', whin
ye've become edycated an' have all th' blessin's iv civilization that
we don't want, that 'll count ye one. We can't give ye anny votes,
because we haven't more thin enough to go round now; but we'll threat
ye th' way a father shud threat his childher if we have to break ivry
bone in ye'er bodies. So come to our ar-rms,' says we.
"But, glory be, 'tis more like a rasslin' match than a father's
embrace.


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