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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"

Be mistake he might prosecute a thrust some day,
an' th' whole counthry 'll be rooned. He must be a man competint f'r to
avoid such pitfalls an' snares, so 'tis th' rule f'r to have him hang
on to his job with th' thrust afther he gets to Washington. This keeps
him in touch with th' business intherests.
"F'r Sicrety iv War, th' most like wan is some good prisident iv a
sthreet-car company. 'Tis exthraordinney how a man learns to manage
military affairs be auditin' thrip sheets an' rentin' signs in a
sthreet-car to chewin' gum imporyums. If Gin'ral Washington iv sacred
mimory 'd been under a good sthreet-car Sicrety iv War, he'd 've wore
a bell punch to ring up ivry time he killed a Hessian. He wud so, an'
they'd 've kep' tab on him, an', if he thried to wurruk a brother-in-law
on thim, they'd give him his time.
"F'r th' Navy Departmint ye want a Southern Congressman fr'm th'
cotton belt. A man that iver see salt wather outside iv a pork bar'l
'd be disqualified f'r th' place. He must live so far fr'm th' sea
that he don't know a capstan bar fr'm a sheet anchor.


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