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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"

That puts him in
th' proper position to inspect armor plate f'r th' imminent Carnegie,
an' insthruct admirals that's been cruisin' an' fightin' an' dhrinkin'
mint juleps f'r thirty years. He must know th' difference bechune silo
an' insilage, how to wean a bull calf, an' th' best way to cure a
spavin. If he has that information, he is fixed f'r th' job.
"Whin he wants a good Postmaster-gin-'ral, take ye'er ol' law partner
f'r awhile, an', be th' time he's larned to stick stamps, hist him
out, an' put in a school-teacher fr'm a part iv th' counthry where
people communicate with each other through a conch. Th' Sicrety iv th'
Interior is an important man. If possible, he ought to come fr'm Maine
or Florida. At anny rate, he must be a resident iv an Atlantic
seacoast town, an' niver been west iv Cohoes. If he gets th' idee
there are anny white people in Ann Arbor or Columbus, he loses his
job.
"Th' last place on th' list is Sicrety iv Agriculture. A good, lively
business man that was born in th' First Ward an' moved to th'
Twinty-foorth after th' fire is best suited to this office.


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