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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"

He was wan whole month before he cud get
th' 'shall fade fr'm me heart' right. Half th' neighborhood 'd be out
on th' sidewalk yellin' 'Lift it, Felix,--lift an' scatther it. Shall
fade fr'm me ha-a-rt,--lift it, ye clumsy piper.'
"A few months back th' stupid gawk begun to be attintive to Molly
Donahue, an', like th' wild wan she is, she dhrew him on. Did ye iver
see th' wan that wudden't? Faith, they're all alike. If it ain't a
sthraight stick, it's a crooked wan; an' th' man was niver yet born,
if he had a hump on his back as big as coal-scuttle an' had a face
like th' back iv a hack, that cudden't get th' wink iv th' eye fr'm
some woman. They're all alike, all alike. Not that I've annything
again thim: 'tis thim that divides our sorrows an' doubles our joys,
an' sews chiny buttons on our pa-ants an' mends our shirts with blue
yarn. But they'll lead a man to desthruction an' back again, thim same
women.
"Well, Felix had no luck coortin' Molly Donahue. Wan night she wasn't
in; an' th' nex' night ol' man Donahue come to th' dure, an' says, 'Ye
can put in th' coal at th' back dure,' he says, an' near broke th'
la-ad's heart.


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