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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"

They're on'y two known methods iv finance,--bankin' an'
burglary. Th' Jews has th' first down fine, but all th' rest iv th'
wurruld is at home in th' second. So Jools's all r-right as far as he
goes. But he don't go far.
"Well, whin Jools hear-rd that his frind th' butcher was sloughed up,
he wint fairly wild. He says to himsilf, he says, 'I'll go home,' he
says, 'an' defy th' governmint,' he says. 'I'll start a rivolution,'
he says. 'But,' he says, 'I must first notify th' polis,' he says,
'so's to prevint disordher,' he says. So he wint to th' chief iv
polis, who was an ol' frind iv his,--they was in th' same newspaper
office or thripe dairy or something,--an' th' chief kissed Jools, an'
asked him what he cud do f'r him. 'I wish,' said Jools, 'ye'd sind
down tin or a dozen good men in uniform an' a few detectives in
citizen's clothes,' he says.
"I've asked some ladies an' gintlemen to a five o'clock rivolution at
my house,' he says; 'an' I'd like to be sure they'll be no disordher,'
he says. 'Well,' says th' chief, ''twill not be aisy,' he says.


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