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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"

'I have a last card,' he says. 'I refuse to give th' signal,'
he says.
"'Thin,' says th' gin'ral, tur-rnin' away with tears in his eyes, 'we
must adopt other measures.'
"'Very well,' says Jools. 'But mark wan thing,--that, if ye attempt to
make me ridiculous, ye shall suffer.'
"'I assure ye, mong editor,' says th' gin'ral, earnestly, 'that th'
governmint will not make ye anny more ridiculous than it makes
itsilf,' says he.
"'Me honor is satisfied,' says Jools. 'Do ye'er worst,' he says.
"At eight o'clock th' minister iv war ar-rived, an' took command. He
ordhered up twinty rig'mints iv cav'lry, tin batthries iv artillery,
an' two divisions iv fut sojers. It was his intintion to sind th'
cav'lry in over th' roofs, while th' army carried th' front stoop,
protected be fire fr'm th' heavy artillery, while th' Fr-rinch navy
shelled th' back dure. But this was seen to be impossible, because th'
man that owned th' wine-shop next dure, he said 'twud dhrive away
custom. All th' sthreets f'r miles ar-round was blockaded without
effect. Th' fire departmint was called to put Jools out, but wather
niver touched him.


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