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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"

He was accompanied be a throop iv assistants carryin' a
camera, a mutoscope, a magic lantern, a tib iv dye, a telescope, a
calceem light, a sextant, a compass, a thermometer, a barometer, a
thrunkful iv speeches, a duplicate to th' Agyptian obelisk, an
ink-eraser, an' a rayceipt f'r makin' goold out iv lead pipe.
"'Well, sir,' says Bertillon, 'what d'ye want?'
"'Nawthin',' says th' coort. 'Didn't ye ask to be called here?'
"'No,' says Bertillon, 'an' ye didn't ask me, ayther. I come. Ye said
jus' now, Why do I believe th' Cap's guilty? I will show ye. In th'
spring iv ninety-five or th' fall iv sixty-eight, I disraymimber
which, Gin'ral Merceer'--
"'Ye lie,' says Gin'ral Merceer, coldly.
"'--called on me; an' says he, "Bertillon," he says, "ye'er fam'ly's
been a little cracked, an' I thought to ask ye to identify this
letther which I've jus' had written be a frind iv mine, Major
Estherhazy," he says. "I don't care to mintion who we suspect; but
he's a canal Jew in th' artillery, an' his name's Cap Dhryfuss," he
says. "It's not aisy," I says; "but, if th' honor iv th' ar-rmy's at
stake, I'll thry to fix th' raysponsibility," I says.


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