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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"

An' I wint to
wurruk. I discovered in th' first place that all sentences begun with
capitals, an' they was a peryod at th' end iv each. This aroused me
suspicions. Clearly, this letther was written be a Jew. Here I paused,
f'r I had no samples iv th' Cap's writin' to compare with it. So I
wrote wan mesilf. They was much th' same. "Sure," says I, "th' Cap's
guilty," I says. But how did he do it? I thried a number iv
experiments. I first laid down over th' letther a piece of common
tissue paper. Th' writin' was perfectly plain through this. Thin I
threw it on a screen eighteen hands high. Thin I threw it off. Thin I
set it to music, an' played it on a flute. Thin I cooked it over a
slow fire, an' left it in a cool airy place to dhry. In an instant it
flashed over me how th' forgery was done. "Th' Cap first give it to
his little boy to write. Thin he had his wife copy it in imitation iv
Macchew Dhryfuss's handwritin'. Thin Macchew wrote it in imitation iv
Estherhazy. Thin th' Cap had it put on a typewriter, an' r-run through
a wringer. Thin he laid it transversely acrost a piece of wall paper;
an', whereiver th' key wurrud sponge-cake appeared, he was thereby
able f'r to make a sympathic lesion, acquirin' all th' characteristics
iv th' race, an' a dam sight more.


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