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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"


"'That's wan point. They's another, mong colonel. Ye're all afraid.
That's th' truth iv th' matther. Ye're like a lot iv ol' women that
thinks ivry time th' shutter creaks burglars is goin' to break into
th' house. Ye're afraid iv Rothscheeld, an' th' Impror iv Germany, an'
th' Dook d'Orleans, Vik Bonaparte, an' Joe Chamberlain, an' Bill
McKinley. Be hivins, I believe ye're even afraid iv Gin'ral Otis!
Ye're afraid iv th' newspapers, ye're afraid iv Jools Guerin, ye're
afraid iv a pote, even whin he is not ar-rmed with his pothry, an'
ye're afraid iv each other. Brace up! be men! If I was a Fr-rinchman,
I'd be afraid iv no man but th' cab-dhrivers; an' I wudden't be afraid
iv thim long, f'r I'd be a cab-dhriver mesilf.
"'Wan thing more, an' thin me tistimony's over. Ye want me advice. Ye
didn't ask f'r it. If I was prisident iv this coort-martial, I'd say
to Cap Dhryfuss: "Cap, get out. Ye may not be a thraitor, but ye're
worse. Ye're become a bore." An' I'd give him money enough to lave th'
counthry. Thin I'd sind th' gin'ral staff off to some quiet counthry
village where they'd be free fr'm rumors iv war, an' have nawthin'
else to do but set around in rockin'-chairs an' play with th' cat.


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