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Dunne, Finley Peter, 1867-1936

"Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen"


Thin I'd cut th' cable to England; an' thin I'd gather all the
journalists iv Paris together, an' I'd say, "Gintlemen," I'd say, "th'
press is th' palajeem iv our liberties," I'd say; "but our liberties
no longer requires a palajeem," I'd say. "This wan, whativer it means,
is frayed at th' risbands, an' th' buttonholes is broken, annyhow,"
I'd say. "I've bought all iv ye tickets to Johannisberg," I'd say,
"an' ye'll be shipped there tonight," I'd say. "Ye'er confreres iv
that gr-reat city is worn out with their exertions, an' ye'll find
plenty iv wurruk to do. In fact, those iv ye that're anti-Seemites
'll niver lack imployment," I'd say. "Hinceforth Fr-rance will be
free--fr'm th' likes iv ye," I'd say. An' th' nex' mornin' Paris 'd
awake ca'm an' peaceful, with no newspapers, an' there 'd be more room
in our own papers f'r th' base-ball news,' says I.
"'But, mong liquor dealer, what ye propose 'd depopylate France,' says
th' prisident.
"'If that's th' case,' says I, 'Fr-rance ought to be depopylated,' I
says. 'I've been thinkin' that's th' on'y way it can be made fit to
live in f'r a man fr'm Chicago, where th' jambons come fr'm,' says I,
lavin' th' stand.


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