But do not think from
this that I entertain any suspicions of your sincerity--no, I firmly
believe you to be sincere and generous, and doubt not in the least
that you feel all you express. In return, I entreat that you will do
me the justice to believe that you have not only a _very large
portion_ of my _affection_ and _esteem_, but _all_ that I am capable
of feeling, and from henceforth measure my feelings by your own.
Unless my love for you were very great how could I so contentedly
give up my home and all my friends--a home I loved so much that I
have often thought nothing could bribe me to renounce it for any
great length of time together, and friends with whom I have been so
long accustomed to share all the vicissitudes of joy and sorrow? Yet
these have lost their weight, and though I cannot always think of
them without a sigh, yet the anticipation of sharing with you all the
pleasures and pains, the cares and anxieties of life, of contributing
to your comfort and becoming the companion of your pilgrimage, is
more delightful to me than any other prospect which this world can
possibly present. I expected to have heard from you on Saturday
last, and can scarcely refrain from thinking you unkind to keep me in
suspense two whole days longer than was necessary, but it is well
that my patience should be sometimes tried, or I might entirely lose
it, and this would be a loss indeed! Lately I have experienced a
considerable increase of hopes and fears, which tend to destroy the
calm uniformity of my life.
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