He
gave me a book at parting, requesting in his brief way that I would
keep it for his sake, and adding hastily, "I shall hope to hear from
you in India--your letters _have_ been and _will_ be a greater
refreshment than you can think or I can tell."
'And so he is gone; and stern and abrupt little man as he is--too
often jarring as are his manners--his absence and the exclusion of
his idea from my mind leave me certainly with less support and in
deeper solitude than before.
'You see, dear Nell, though we are still precisely on the same
level--_you_ are not isolated. I feel that there is a certain
mystery about this transaction yet, and whether it will ever be
cleared up to me I do not know; however, my plain duty is to wean my
mind from the subject, and if possible to avoid pondering over it.
In his conversation he seemed studiously to avoid reference to Mr.
Smith individually, speaking always of the "house"--the "firm." He
seemed throughout quite as excited and nervous as when I first saw
him. I feel that in his way he has a regard for me--a regard which I
cannot bring myself entirely to reciprocate in kind, and yet its
withdrawal leaves a painful blank.'
TO MISS ELLEN NUSSEY
'_April_ 9_th_, 1851.
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