He has minutely noticed all Mr. Nicholls's low spirits,
all his threats of expatriation, all his symptoms of impaired
health--noticed them with little sympathy and much indirect sarcasm.
On Monday evening Mr. Nicholls was here to tea. I vaguely felt
without clearly seeing, as without seeing I have felt for some time,
the meaning of his constant looks, and strange, feverish restraint.
After tea I withdrew to the dining-room as usual. As usual, Mr.
Nicholls sat with papa till between eight and nine o'clock; I then
heard him open the parlour door as if going. I expected the clash of
the front door. He stopped in the passage; he tapped; like lightning
it flashed on me what was coming. He entered; he stood before me.
What his words were you can guess; his manner you can hardly realise,
nor can I forget it. Shaking from head to foot, looking deadly pale,
speaking low, vehemently, yet with difficulty, he made me for the
first time feel what it costs a man to declare affection where he
doubts response.
'The spectacle of one ordinarily so statue-like thus trembling,
stirred, and overcome, gave me a kind of strange shock. He spoke of
sufferings he had borne for months, of sufferings he could endure no
longer, and craved leave for some hope.
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